


Something I need

by Jawnlover221b



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Sam, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester First Kiss, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, Hurt Dean Winchester, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Separation Anxiety, True Love, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 07:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jawnlover221b/pseuds/Jawnlover221b
Summary: This work is inspired by the song "Something I need" by OneRepublicIt's a short little something about these two confessing their love with a little anxiety from Deans side.I'm so bad at this *face palm*





	Something I need

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :)  
> Thank you for reading it.  
> Just a warning at the beginning I'm not a native speaker 
> 
> Kudos and comments would be awesome :)

_**I had a dream the other night** _

_**About how we only get one life** _

_**Woke me up right after two** _

_**Stayed awake and stared at you** _

_**So I wouldn’t lose my mind** _

 

Dean woke up, drenched in sweat. It was a month after his return from hell. And that was not rhetorical, no he came literal straight outta hell. Saved from a fucking angle on top of everything.

He had a nightmare, again. It was nothing specific, but the heat from fire, the deafening screams from all the souls prisoned for eternity, the unbelievable guilt for torturing those poor souls, yet what was first on his mind was the feeling of incompleteness. The incompleteness of his own poor soul. He was missing something so dearly that he was screaming and crying in hell all while being tortured himself by the worst of all, Azazel. But he never screamed and cried out of pain for himself because he did not regret the reason he was in hell, not one bit. But he missed him, he missed him dearly and he wanted him although he knew it was selfish. He wanted him all for himself. While thinking about the person he loved the most he looked over to him, his baby brother. Over the half meter that separated their beds he could see that Sam was sleeping peacefully and that soothed Dean like nothing else could. As long as Sam was save and well Dean could live with anything, even those stupid nightmares. He was able to look away from the angelic face of his Sammy for just a few seconds, so he could look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was just two in the morning and after a night at the bar a bit crazy but he couldn’t just turn around and continue sleeping. So he just kept staring at his little brother and that eased him enough that he felt his eyes get heavy after an hour or so and he fell in a dreamless sleep.

 

_**And I had the week that came from hell** _

_**And yes I know that you can tell** _

_**But you’re like the net under the ledge** _

_**When I go flying off the edge** _

_**You go flying of as well** _

 

He was woken again when he heard the shower running, he turned and looked at the clock again, 8am, it looked like Sam was back from his morning run.

What a freak waking up at six am and doing sports. He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly and there it was, the heavenly scent of fresh coffee. 

Sam must have taken a little detour to the coffee shop 5 blocks away. Just then his little brother came out of the bathroom, glad only in boxers toweling his hair dry.

„Hey sleepyhead I thought you would sleep all day“

„Good morning to you too Sasquatch“ Dean said and smiled at his little brother

Sam just answered with bitchface #17 going to his duffel and searching for a shirt and jeans.

Dean stood up trying not to stare at the beautiful body of his baby brother and reached for his coffee. Before he took a sip he murmured a quite „thank you“

„Your welcome, you looked a bit stressed the last days and I thought coffee would be nice“ came it from inside the light blue shirt which was currently half off and half on Sam.

He just hummed and drank silently his perfect coffee.

 

_**Last night I think I drank too much, yeah** _

_**Call it our temporary crutch, hey** _

_**With broken words I’ve tried to say** _

_**Honey don’t you be afraid** _

_**If we got nothing we got us** _

 

They just finished a hard salt’n’burn case in the little town in Indiana so they packed their things and got in the Impala and started to drive away. They hadn’t a destination just yet so Dean was just driving west. Led zeppelin was on full volume and Dean sang to it off key. It was a nice day, sunny with a little wind which made the temperatures just perfect, he had coffee in the morning and the person he loved the most besides him. So yes it was a perfect day for him. They were driving for good 9 hours and it was getting darker, just then Sam cleared his throat and Dean knew it was over. He was edgy for at least half an hour and Dean was amazed he had withstand the chance to probe at the situation last night for so long.

_Ok yes granted last night was the opposite of perfect, they finally found the bones of the enraged spirit but not after he threw Sammy a few times against the walls, so Dean had to end the whole ordeal before he could get to his baby brother who laid unconscious in a corner. It was something which occurred often but so fresh after being back from hell it was terrifying. The spirit wasn’t totally up in flames yet when Dean sprinted towards Sam, he kneeled over him and tried to shake him awake and called him by his name but Sam didn’t react to his vain attempts and that was it for him. He began to panic, he laid his head on his baby brothers chest. Tears were streaming down his face and he began to sob_

_“Sammy, Baby, you can’t.. d-do this. You can’t l-leave me, not after I-I just came back. You c-can’t leave me a-alone, what will I d-do ?! I j-just can’t’, you hear me, I can’t live without you.”_

_It was all a bit jumbled through his crying and he was so gone he hadn’t realized that Sam opened his eyes again. The first indication that Sam was conscious once more was the feeling of someone stroking his hair._ _Dean turned his head facing the beautiful hazel eyes of his baby brother._ _„Hey, are you injured?“ was the first soft words from Sam and it was so like him, he was the one lying unconscious in a corner not reacting but he asked if Dean was hurt._ _He shook his head just no and pulled Sam to his chest, now silently crying in his soft brown locks._

_„Dean you start to freak me out“ Sam murmured, squeezed against his chest. And that was when Dean noticed he was holding his baby brother too close to be just a worried brother so he did let go and tried to joke it away_ _„ It’s all fine Sam. I was just worried I had to carry your heavy ass out of here by myself“_ _Sam snorted „Oh come on admit it, you love my ass“ and laughed._

_'If you knew how much' Dean was thinking but he said nothing, stood up and held his hand out for his brother, who accepted it thankfully._

_„Lets get out of here“_ _As they drove to the motel he sensed Sam’s eyes on him the whole time but didn’t commented on it. They got to the motel where Dean just dumped his stuff and was out of the door on his way to the bar nearby. He was hoping instantly that Sam hadn’t heard what he sobbed in his chest or else he didn’t know what he should do. He knew his feelings for his brother wasn’t just platonic and he also knew it was wrong but he couldn’t change how he felt for his Sammy but that doesn’t meant that Sam could know about it, no that wasn’t a possibility, never! He drank and drank and drank that evening so when he came back to the motel Sam was already as sleep snoring slightly. Dean changed and sat down on the his bed facing Sam and murmured „Baby boy I need you so much. You are all I’ve got and all I need. I love you so damn much“ before lying down and falling asleep._

„Dean I know you don’t wanna talk about yesterday but…“ Sam began with a hesitant voice

„Yes, you’re right I don’t wanna talk, period Sam. Lets just find a motel where we can crash cause I’m getting tired and my muscles hurts“ Dean snapped at him.

He saw Sam nodding and that was good enough for Dean, so he took the next slip road and kept an eye out for the closest motel. 

Sam tipped him on the arm and showed him a motel sign on his side and so the decision was made. He parked the impala in the parking lot and was just getting out of the car when Sam said

„Get the stuff, I'll get us a room“ and he vanished form the passenger seat.

 

_**I know that we’re not the same** _

_**But I’m so damn glad that we made it** _

_**To this time, this time, now, yeah** _

 

While Sam was in the little lobby getting them a room for the night, Dean was pulling the key out of the ignition and got out of the car, walking to the trunk.

 He opened it, got their duffels, a bag of salt and the weapons because here was nothing so he had no chance of a bar  nearby 

and he needed something to do or else Sam might want to talk about yesterday and that wasn’t going to happen. So cleaning weapons it was. 

Sam came out holding a key in his hand but was Dean irritated was that Sam seemed tensed , it looked like Sam was hiding something but as he came closer he smiled and said 

„All ll done for the night“ 

And Dean was really tired and so could be Sam or he could be in pain hence he just shrugged and followed Sam to their room.

He came in the room and saw just one bed, no this couldn’t be, it must be a mistake.

„That’s what you understand under all good ? Sam I’m really tired, you don’t seem much better and here is just one bed, no sofa where I could sleep on. 

This must be a mistake, you told them two doubles right ? So it must be by fault we got this room, I’ll go over and get us a new room just...eh...give me the credit card you used and all will be f-..“ 

Before Dean could even finish his sentence he heard quite laughter behind him and he turned around and saw Sam shaking with restrained laughter. 

„What is so funny Sam?“

„Well funny is that you think it’s a mistake“ Sam replied with an oddly somber expression  

„What do you mean it's not a mistake? It must be.“

„No Dean it’s not a mistake. I wanted just one king and there’s a reason and I really think you already know what I’m talking about“ 

That was all Sam said while walking to the his side of the bed and sat down and he looked at Dean expectant.

Dean just stared at his baby brother for what felt like 5 minutes before he sank down on the chair nearby, he took a deep breath and kept it in for like 10 seconds before blowing it out. 

„So I assume you did hear what I… eh… what I…“

„What you sobbed in my chest while thinking I was dead ?“ Sam whispered „Yes I did Dean but that wasn’t the only thing I heard, Dean how drunk were you last night ?"

Dean just started to shake his head and began to murmur „no no no no no no no that couldn’t be no no he can’t know it no, it’s not possible no no“. 

He was starting to freak out, Sam wanted just one bed because he will tell Dean that he was a perverted horrible person and then he would leave him forever because he couldn’t be near his perverted brother but before it could evolve in a full blown panic attack Sam was kneeling in front of him.

He felt Sams big warm, calloused hands on each side of his face and heard the soft voice of Sammy murmuring 

 „Dean, just breath now. In-hold-and-out, C’mon breath with me. Slowly in and slowly out and again in and out.Yeah that’s good. Do you feel better ?“ 

Dean breathed on for 3 cycles and then nodded and looked up in the concerned face of his little brother.

 „Dean please talk to me, I know it’s hard for you to speak about something like that but it’s really important so could you please do this for me. Please I promise it will be worth it“

Dean took a deep breath, he didn’t know how this could end well but he was a sucker for his brother and the phrase ‚could you please do it for me‘ 

was all it took for Dean to grave and so he nodded but before he could start talking he felt dizzy and started to blink his eyes rapidly and swayed to the side.

„Ok that’s enough come on I’ll take you to the bed. Stand up, ok careful, just lean on me and we walk slowly to the bed.“

They took the few steps to the bed together and Sam lowered Dean carefully on the bed. He turned around and got a glass of water for him. 

He handed him the glass and Dean swallowed a few sips gratefully and gave it back to Sam. 

„Ok now lay down…. Don’t look at me like that, I’m not the one who nearly had a panic attack“

Dean frowned and huffed but complied to Sams order, he stretched out and closed his eyes. 

He was taken by surprise as he felt the bed dip under another weight. His eyes popped open and he was taken aback by how close Sammy was to him. 

Sam smiled and asked softly „Are you feeling better now?“ 

He was too overcome with the happy feeling of being so close to Sam that he could only nod.

Sam smiled softly and patted him on the chest.

Dean basked in the feeling for a bit longer because he knew it would be the last time he would be this close to his baby brother, after this night, 

after what he is about to tell Sam he is sure that Sam will hate him and never be able to look his big brother in the eyes again.

„So I assume you heard everything I sobbed in your chest and on top of that you also heard me last night, it’s true yea ok…“ Tears started to trickle down his face but he was too in to his confession to notice anything „…Sam you were, are and ever will be my everything, I need you like air to breath, I need you with my whole being and I love you, I loved you since mum put you bundled in a blanket in my arms and this love just grew overtime, I would do anything to keep you safe…“ He started to speak so quickly that it was hard to get air in his lungs but this was important, he must do this, it's now or never „...you know now my deepest secret and Sam please believe me I never wanted you to find out and I know how wrong this is but I can't change it, I will forever love you but Sam I can’t lose you, I can’t live without you, I can’t do this again. The time you were in college it was hell for me, well so I thought when I was 22 but the last 4 month in literal hell without the possibility to see you, showed me again I just can’t live without you.“ The stream of his tears was stronger now and he began to hiccup between his words „Sam please I wi-will never talk ab-bout it again. I just c-can’t lo-ose you. No please don’t l-leave me…“ He began to sob but before he could panic again he was enclosed in Sams muscled arms and surrounded by his scent, a scent which always meant home and safety for him. He heard Sam murmur besides his ear

„Shh… it’s all good De, all will be fine just breath for a minute, I promise you I won’t go anywhere. Just please calm down…shhh“ 

Sam started to card his fingers through his hair and that calmed him down bit. It was actually ironic because that was the only thing that could have put Sam to sleep when he was little 

and now it was him who needed it to calm down, well so turns the time. Sam manhandled him so that he was partly lying on his chest and started to hum,

it was such a nice feeling that Dean started to lose himself but he knew it wasn't right, it was wrong t like it this much. 

„Dean?“ Dean stiffened cause he knew it was over, now came the moment Sam would leave him.

„De please calm down, I promised to you it will all be fine and now I just want you to listen to me, 

just let me talk and I want you to simply listen to my words and let me talk out before you say anything, could you do this for me ?“ 

Dean didn’t know how this could go well but he was willing to listen to everything what Sammy has to say and he won’t interrupt so he nodded against Sam’s chest.

 Sam took a breath and started to speak softly against Deans temple

„Ok I will start at the beginning… De you were the best brother I could have wished for, you were always there for me, you showed me the ropes in life and you never were embarrassed of me like all the other big siblings from the kids in school and therefore I’m so thankful and I loved you, you were my hero but when I turned 12 something changed, you were still nice to me but you also started to go out more because Dad allowed it officially and I thought I was so sad because you couldn’t be with me the whole time but I also felt rage and at 12 I didn’t know what it meant but as I grew older I started to realize it wasn’t just fury,… no it was jealousy what I felt. But the bigger revelation was that I didn’t feel the jealousy towards you because you had all these girls drooling over you and every time we rolled in a new town you had at least 3 girls on the first day hanging on your lips, no it wasn’t that. … I was jealous of the girls for stealing your time, for them getting to know you like I never could, for them to being near you like I never could. I wanted to be the one you would look at the whole time, I wanted to be the one you would talk about everything to and I wanted to be the one who you wanted to touch. And that was a big revelation for me because then I had all the answers for my feelings towards you. De I didn’t just love you… no I realized that I was in love with you. And that scarred me, it scarred me so much that I had to be away because I just knew that you would never feel the same for me, that was the time I applied to Stanford. But like you said earlier … it was hell. Not being near you, not knowing how you are or if you were hurt on a hunt, it was awful and after just 4 month I wanted to quit and run back into your arms but my fear held me back.

But when you came to get me because Dad was missing I was the happiest since I was 18 and drove away in that bus. You are my whole world and living without you was painful, so painful that I thought about ending my life just to be with you again. De I never stopped to love you and I will never stop because you are the one for me. You are what I need most in this life and I will never leave your side again I promise. “ 

During his speak Sam started to cry and the last sentence was so hoarse, it was hard to hear but Dean heard everything and he was crying himself because he was so happy, so happy to hear that Sam will not leave him, to hear that Sam needed him just as much but what made him the happiest was hearing Sam say that he was in love with him. It wasn’t just Dean feeling like that, no Sammy was just beside him. 

„Dean could you please say something, anything please“ 

Dean turned his head and looked in beautiful wet hazel eyes and all he could do was lean in and kiss his baby boy. 

It was a tender kiss, just lips on lips but it was the best kiss Dean ever had because it was his Sammy he was kissing, it was fantastic. As he leaned back he was smiling big time 

and there was a similar smile on the lips of his little brother.

„This I didn't see coming but it's so good, I love you so much De.“ And he leaned back in and this time it wasn’t just a tender kiss, no it was a hungry kiss.

Lips and tongues battling for domination. Dean won and explored Sammys moth and he was loving it, he could kiss Sam for hours and it would never get old. After a few minutes Dean leaned back and whispered against Sams lips

„I love you baby boy“

 

**_You got something I need_ **

**_Yeah in this world full of people there’s one killing me_ **

**_And if we only die once I wanna die with you (hey)_ **

**_You got something I need_ **

**_In this world full of people there’s one killing me_ **

**_And if we only die once (hey)_ **

**_I wanna die with you (you, you,you)_ **

**_You got something I need_ **

**_In this world full of people there’s one killing me_ **

**_And if we only die once (hey)_ **

**_I wanna die with  you (you, you, you)_ **

****

**_If we only die once (hey) I wanna die with_ **

 

It was late at night and they were both in bed only glad in boxers, Deans head resting on Sams chest when he felt Sam kiss him on the temple and heard him whisper

**_„If we only live once I wanna live with you“_ **


End file.
